So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
