He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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