Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
