Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
