It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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