yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
