worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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