she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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