Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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