I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
