dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
