but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
