I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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