She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
