too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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