Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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