Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
