We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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