nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
