Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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