it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
