I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
