piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His hands were made for my vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
