At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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