She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
