whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
