2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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