she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize