yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
