Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
