I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
