Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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