Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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