; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?