Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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  (540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus http://tfl.nu/qqxc
  Replies (38) Good night (1257) Bad night (4107)
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  (909): View more from California

  I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.

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  (909): I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars. http://tfl.nu/cj0n
  Replies (39) Good night (824) Bad night (6459)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience

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  (541): You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience http://tfl.nu/ta5s
  Replies (13) Good night (1651) Bad night (6457)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.

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  (240): just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass. http://tfl.nu/1b7s
  Replies (10) Good night (4776) Bad night (1306)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.

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  (201): she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said. http://tfl.nu/ngdj
  Replies (9) Good night (632) Bad night (2935)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

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  (563): I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished. http://tfl.nu/1qri
  Replies (10) Good night (5414) Bad night (865)
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  (626): View more from California

  I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.

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  (626): I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night. http://tfl.nu/5hoo
  Replies (7) Good night (2336) Bad night (687)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It was pathetic and I was covered in butter

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  (201): It was pathetic and I was covered in butter http://tfl.nu/w2vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1389) Bad night (830)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.

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  (954): Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway. http://tfl.nu/lib4
  Replies (12) Good night (664) Bad night (2428)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.

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  (217): I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well. http://tfl.nu/junb
  Replies (5) Good night (1055) Bad night (834)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.

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  (317): Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw. http://tfl.nu/a7sh
  Replies (18) Good night (792) Bad night (1001)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Im coming down to miami this weekend

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  We shall drink from the everclear river

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  (330): Im coming down to miami this weekend (1-330): We shall drink from the everclear river http://tfl.nu/wehk
  Replies (2) Good night (793) Bad night (319)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."

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  (256): I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now." http://tfl.nu/g734
  Replies (6) Good night (1662) Bad night (443)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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  (717): Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much. http://tfl.nu/y3yp
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (291)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.

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  (260): Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way. http://tfl.nu/aiad
  Replies (3) Good night (343) Bad night (481)

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