I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.