My room smells like vodka and shame
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.