Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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