the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
