I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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