Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
