I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
