2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
