Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
