I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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