I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
