So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
