when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
