my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
