from now on my penis is your penis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
