I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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