youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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