Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize