I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
