If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
