She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
