i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
