he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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