he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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