All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
