put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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