This girl is more easily done than said...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
