exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
