hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
