Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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