We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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