she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
