i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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