She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
