Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize