you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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