And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
