dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
ok first of all what the fuck
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
