I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
