I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
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Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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