They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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