She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
