Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
