You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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