Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
