Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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