sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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