Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
