I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
