I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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